Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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