Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
