i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
