Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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