I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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