At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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