it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
