The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
