i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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