I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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