No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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