So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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