i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
