just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
