Christians are straight up FREAKS
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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