I'm really into asian looking animals
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
