Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
