Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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