You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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