How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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