Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
