WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
