while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
