Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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