I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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