how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
