I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
