Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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