I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
