What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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