I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
