I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
