somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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