your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
