I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
