i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
