evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
