wrigley field is MILF paradise
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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