I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
