halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
