well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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