dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
