K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is my gift to your gina
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
