he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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