Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
