Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize