AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
