i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
