Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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