so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
