I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
