I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
