It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
