i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
