Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
