just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
