Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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