Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
