I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
