I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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