then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
