is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
