Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
